How to Release Feelings

Most of us carry around a lot of repressed feelings. Usually the feelings we repress are not the good ones, either.

Our first tendency when confronting something unpleasant is to phone a friend, turn on the TV, have a beer...do anything except experience the unpleasant feeling.

The trouble with this is that we cannot really repress a feeling. We can ignore it, but it will still pop up at inopportune moments. When trying to drop off to sleep, we remember the unpleasantness. When someone does something to remind us, we overreact.

Ignoring or repressing feelings also takes energy. If we repress a lot of feelings we can tie up a lot of our energy in avoiding them. This is energy we could spend being productive, having fun, getting some exercise, having relationships... And, some of us have a LOT of stuff to repress. It accumulates.

The solution is simple and it is something most of us know how to do. The solution is to feel the feelings and release them. No matter how bad a feeling is, it is actually easier to feel it than it is to ignore and repress it. And, once we feel the feeling, it tends to dissipate.*

When we were young children, most of us felt our feelings and released them. Later we became aware that certain feelings were problematic. Not only did we learn not to express them, but we tried to avoid even feeling them.

Try this:

Become aware of your body; hands, feet, arms, legs, torso, neck... Be aware of the entire body. The body is where feelings register. Notice if you feel any discomfort in the body. Maybe your neck is tense or you have a twinge of discomfort in your chest. Breathe into the spot that you feel. Relax it and let the feeling dissipate. Repeat this several times with different sensations that you notice.

Next, consider something fairly minor that has been frustrating you. Scan your body and notice what you feel. You likely will notice a pang, a tension, a catch or a pain. Just feel it. See what it's like. Is it sharp? Is it dull? Is it big or small? As you notice things about the feeling, you may find that it has dissipated and you can no longer feel it.

If you can still feel the feeling, you may have picked a frustration that was too major for the above exercise. See if you can release the feeling. You can imagine it flowing out of your body, or you can consciously relax that part of your body until the feeling has let go. When you have let go of one feeling, see if there is another feeling associated with that frustration. If not, go on to another issue and see what feelings you have in reaction to that.

Repeat this for several minutes. Even 10 - 15 minutes of this exercise can leave you feeling lighter and better. The trouble with it is that it seems too simple, but if you persist for 15 minutes for a few days, you will feel much better.

There are entire courses with protocols for feeling and releasing feelings, if you want more of a structured practice with this. The Sedona Method book and course include this and more. In The One Thing Holding You Back, Raphael Cushnir outlines another method.

*If your feelings seem too big and awful to feel, or the feeling exercise does not give you some relief, get professional help. This is not meant to take the place of professional counselling or medical help.

Becoming Conscious of Unconscious Problems

The majority of our thoughts and feelings are outside of our conscious awareness. Sometimes the unconscious stuff creates problems with the way we feel or behave or experience the world.

The trouble with solving an unconscious problem, is that it is... well... unconscious. And unfortunately, it is usually perceived quite clearly by others, though these perceptions are usually not in conscious awareness either. So others may react to you but they most likely are unable to tell you what causes their reaction.

How do you know if you have an unconscious problem? Unconscious problems give themselves away in important ways. Here are some patterns to look for.

Your actions repeatedly get surprising results. For example, you fail against all odds in jobs, relationships or business activities despite taking the correct actions in the appropriate wasy. This happens to everyone sometimes, but when it happens a lot, you could be sabotaging yourself with unconscious expectations to fail.

You sometimes get weird responses from people. Perhaps you say good morning to a colleague and get an angry response - and this is not an isolated case. You sometimes get bizarrely angry responses from various people. Or it could be that you are frequently misunderstood when you think you are being quite clear. You or other people catch you saying something different than you intended to say.

You react in ways you cannot explain. You are hurt by innocuous remarks, or become emotional out of proportion when cut off in traffic. Conversely, you could find you suddenly lack empathy with someone about whom you would normally care. Another form of this is self sabotage; giving out the wrong phone number, being late for important meetings, and so on.

Discomfort for no apparent reason, that follows a pattern can indicate a subconscious problem. If you always get a backache after staying with your in-laws, it may not be the mattress. The stomach ache on Monday can be a reaction to your job - or the stress accumulated over a weekend with a difficult family member. You may simply find that you have a low or grumpy mood you cannot explain when life seems to be going quite well.

The very easiest way to identify unconscious material is to notice the feelings it generates.

Identify a situation in which your behavior or that of others does not seem to make sense. Just notice your body for five or ten minutes as you think about these things and notice what dicomfort arises. What emotions does it make you think of? Can you see a reason why you might feel that way.

For example, you may find you are late to meetings with one particular department head. You pay attention to your feelings and become angry. You realize this person has been subtly disrespectful, or reminds you of an evil babysitter you had, or looks like your ex. There is not much you can do about any of these things. However, becoming conscious of it, you may be able to make the meetings on time now, so you do not get a reputation for tardiness.

Often, identifying the reason for the feeling does not resolve it. Also, feelings travel in packs, like delinquent teenagers, so you may encounter many similar ones. See How to Release Feelings for tips on dealing with the feelings that are triggered by unconscious material.